Real Life vs. Comparable Analyst Experiences

The story of a former i-banker... in his own words.

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A wild weekend in Amsterdam
A client meeting uptown

Meeting Elvis at a Detroit shopping mall
Seeing a VP at the office after 7PM

Marching side by side with students in Tiananmen Square
Submitting a T&E with a $30 dinner

Surfing naked in Hawaii
Changing into casual clothes at 5:01PM

15 years to life
22 months

Screaming rock and roll fans chanting your name in unison
A firm handshake from an associate for numbers well-crunched

"I'm gonna make you squeal like a pig"
"How's your time?"

Lunatic workaholic
Team player

Sex with twins
Word processing gets it right the first time

Selling Israeli bonds at a PLO meeting
Telling your co-workers you are a Democrat

Being Saddam's "guest" at the Kuwait City Hilton
Waiting to turn around a job in Production

Dog year. One actual year = 7 dog years
Staffer hour. One staffer hour = 7 actual hours

Your significant other dumps you
You break your wrist

Riding the subway at rush hour, when you suddenly realize you're naked
Sitting in a client meeting, when you are asked by your VP to explain your numbers

FAO Schwartz
Supply closet

Contracting a terminal illness
Being promoted to associate

Full frontal labotomy
8AM, Monday morning banking meeting

After two years of dating; "I like you...as a friend."
After two all nighters; "This is good...as a first draft."

Pissing into an electric fan
Wandering by your staffer's office at 4:58PM on a Friday, just to see what's going on

Ebeneezer Scrooge makes Bob Cratchett work all day on Christmas
Just another day in the Industrials Group

"Dad, can you pick me up?"
"Hi, account number..."

Neighborhood bully
First-year associate

Drill sergeant
Second-year associate

Spending the night doing a model
Spending the night doing a model