Important News Bulletin: As of 4:35pm EST, I am officially the company’s “Happy Hour Specialist”. The person I’m replacing, who nominated me, explained it thus: “Well, someone had to take my spot, and when I thought of drinking, you were the first person to come to mind. Anyway, you were the only one who kept up with me at all of our company parties.”

Think I’ll make my first happy hour on a Tuesday…