Robin Williams' plan for peace (He went to CMC, briefly. All the great ones do.)

"I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one:

1) The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past and present. We will promise never to "interfere" again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We could station troops at our borders, so there'll be no more sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days all the rest will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are. France could welcome them.

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90-day visits unless given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation would be allowed in. If you don't like it where you live, change it yourself, but don't hide out here. Asylum will no longer be available to anyone. We do not need any more cab drivers.

5) There will be no "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home, baby.

6) The U.S. will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient and energy-wise. This includes developing nonpolluting sources of energy, and requires temporary drilling in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will just have to cope for a while.

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like those terms, we will go someplace else.

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will no longer "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Most of what we give them gets "lost", or is taken by their bureaucracies and the people who need it most get very little of it anyway.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an island some place. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, it would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens or use the buildings as replacement for the twin towers.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer.

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a club and she's yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'"